When Linda van Amerongen remembers her father, Lloyd Harloff, certainly there is sadness, and anger, at the mesothelioma that took his life. But what shines through beyond and above all that is joy, and appreciation, and celebration of a life well lived and well loved. She and her family will gather this Saturday, April 25, to celebrate Lloyd’s life on the first anniversary of his death, just four days after what would have been his 80th birthday.
“It’s a family event,” Linda explains. “We’re just going to get together and play cards, play his favorite music, just remember him. You hear a lot of times that after someone dies, their funeral should celebrate their life, and I used to think that was sort of just something people said. But with my dad, we really did. And that’s what this weekend is about. We’re going to re-celebrate him Saturday.”
In December 2007, her dad was plagued by a bad cough and cold that he couldn’t seem to shake, Linda remembers. He had suffered a few bouts of pneumonia in previous months, and had several chest x-rays during that time. When he visited the doctor in December, he had another chest x-ray, and doctors were concerned about some notable differences. They ordered further tests, and after a pleural effusion they confirmed a diagnosis of mesothelioma in January 2008.
“Even now when I talk to people, nine out of 10 people have no idea what it is,” Linda says. “I probably didn’t know before my dad was diagnosed, but afterward I felt like the airwaves were inundated with ‘mesothelioma.’ It was on TV, on the backs of busses. Still, every little bit people can do to raise awareness helps.”
Despite his advanced age, her dad never thought of giving up, despite mesothelioma’s bleak prognosis, Linda says. He consulted with his oncologist and immediately began the first round of chemotherapy. His family and his love of his favorite sport, golf, motivated him to fight, Linda said.
“My dad loved golf,” she says. “He played 18 holes regularly, and he actually got a hole-in-one the year before his death. Golf was always something he used to motivate himself. He had a stroke a few years ago, and golf was a big motivator for his recovery, to get through rehab and get back out on the course. So this time, he said he wanted to do the chemo and be well enough come spring to be back on the golf course with his buddies. It was something he could use as a goal.”
Unfortunately, the first round of chemotherapy proved ineffective. Despite dwindling hopes for a positive outcome, he decided to do a second round with a different drug. But his body was weakening.
“He began to really not feel well. Between January and April – he really wasn’t feeling good a lot of that time. And yet he persevered,” Linda says.
There was a series of family events in April – she calls it the “month of Sundays” because each special activity was on a Sunday – of which her dad was determined to be a part. The first Sunday, the family had a big card party at her house, then the next week a surprise 50th birthday party for Linda’s sister and Lloyd’s middle daughter, Pam.
“He was on oxygen at this point, but he was there,” Linda remembers. “Family was so important to him, and he wanted to do everything that we had planned.”
The following Sunday, the family visited their parents, Lloyd and Maryann, for Lloyd’s 79th birthday party. Linda had noticed her dad had not been eating much for a while, and that he seemed weaker at his birthday party.
“He was in a fair amount of pain, and I don’t think we even really knew how much,” she says.
As she left her parents’ house, Linda says her mom asked her to keep her phone nearby, as she thought they might have to go to the hospital soon. That night, Lloyd was taken by ambulance to the hospital. He passed away four days later, on April 25, 2008.
“This is a sucky disease,” Linda says, a bit of her anger peeking through. “It robs you, sort of unsuspectingly. And the fact that they can’t make it better at this point, for the most part … well, I know there are more and more stories of people who do survive, and I’d have loved for him to be one of those.”
Her father’s funeral truly was a celebration of his life, she says. Her dad was dressed in his favorite Chicago Cubs t-shirt, with his golf shoes on his feet. Her brother, Keith, wrote a speech about time, which he read at the event.
“He wrote this piece about how you always think you have time,” Linda says. “My dad made time for everything – to go to a kid’s ballgame, to help you paint your house. He led by example, which I think is something we’ve all discovered since he died. He was a quiet man who loved to be around his family and friends, and we’ve all learned in the past year what a big part of our lives he was.”
The family also will host a memorial mass and brunch in honor of their father on Sunday, April 26.
Variety magazine, famous for entertainment reporting, announced this week that famed columnist Army Archerd will be honored posthumously by the Asbestos Disease Awareness Organization (ADOA) at its Sixth Annual International Asbestos Conference on April 10 in Chicago. Archerd will receive the organization’s inaugural Warren Zevon Keep Me in Your Heart memorial tribute.
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